Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
