The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i drank out of a bidet.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
