i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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