dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
