did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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