we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
