im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
