So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
