I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
