Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
