3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Will you blow on my dice?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize