I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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