What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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