im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
