i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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