Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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