Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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