Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
