just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
