Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
