Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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