I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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