Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
