You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
