well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
