I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
