I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My penis needs a shock collar
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
