Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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