it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
