I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone