Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.