There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low