spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
home. puking in laundry basket.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.