I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Welp...herpes.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
