actually, I'm a sock model
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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