I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
