But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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