I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
