I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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