I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
