i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
