Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
