i think my tv is drunk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
