butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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