I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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