i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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