11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
