she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
