there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
