If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
