i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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