Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
