I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
