I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
