and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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