chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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