you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
