just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
