he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
