Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
