I'm going to rape someone's good day.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
