If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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