You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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