all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
