i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
