If i come over, it means nothing
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
