so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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