2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
