What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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