If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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