you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
