Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
